It's 8:30 pm, and I just put him to bed for the night. Except for the brief times he was strapped into his car seat today, he has been in my arms, on my lap, or clinging to one leg or the other, for eighteen solid hours. Even when HWSNBN came home just before bedtime, The Imp still clung to me, crying, "Mommy, Mommy!" when Daddy tried to read him a bedtime story.
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| The last time The Imp was feeling clingy, in a hotel room in Victoria |
Don't get me wrong. I love The Imp more than anything. I want to be there for him when he's feeling sick, especially when he's feeling sick. I want him to feel safe, and loved, and to know that I'll do anything in my power to help him feel all better.
But a full day of the constant contact, after a full week of the clinging, sleepless nights, and I'm just done. It's too much of a muchness. I've experienced as much touching as I can handle; I've reached sensory overload. My flesh actually crawled when he wanted to cuddle with me at bedtime. I just needed to have my body belong to me for a little while. But I sucked it up, and held his hand, and sang him to sleep.
Because as parents, that's what we do, right?
Cue the Mommy guilt.
Have you ever just had enough with the touching, or am I the only person who's actually that awful?
This does not make you awful. It takes far fewer hours of clinginess than that before I run away for an hour or two of time to myself. There is only so much we can give, and each person's breaking point is different.
ReplyDeleteI certainly felt like that while BFing. As much as I enjoyed it, it wasn't until we were done that I realized how much I missed having my own body to myself. You are certainly not alone getting to this point, which is even harder when they start nearing the 35 lbs mark. Hello backache. Hope you catch a break soon, literally and figuratively!
ReplyDeleteIf getting touched out makes you awful, then I'm awful too. I know exactly what you mean. I get overwhelmed with guilt when I want to push them away. I reach a point where I just want to be left alone, I want my body to be mine alone, not an extension of them. I find it hard to offer comfort to them and yet letting them know that there are physical boundaries. I want to be there but when I feel like I'd rather peel my skin off than be groped I find it hard to reason with them. At this age they just don't have the capacity to understand. I too usually just suck it up. Let me know how you cope, because sobbing in the shower is getting old for me.
ReplyDeleteI feel totally the same way. Evan has been sick but he is also going through a "nobody but Mommy" phase so he is clingy & screams whenever I go to work, leave the room, etc. I am the only person who can help him pee, fix him a drink, carry him up the stairs, put him to bed, on and on and on. So yeah....I feel your pain. You are not awful! Let's just hope that this is a phase!
ReplyDeleteYou are not the only person who's actually that awful.
ReplyDeleteAdd in another kid and a cat, and sometimes I want to run screaming into the street. But I don't, because I'm a mother.
Interesting. I find I get only snippets of cling from Theo and long for more. I love when he hangs out in my lap to play with Duplo or read a book and stops running for ten seconds. That said, he has not been badly sick so no doubt the cling will come.
ReplyDeleteOh god no, sometimes I get a bit panicky thinking I'll never go to the toilet again without someone trying to flush it for me every three seconds whilst I'm still sitting on it. Elliot has been poorly lately as well, and he won't sleep in his cot, so I get about 40 minutes without him attached to me and then he's sleeping on my chest all night. It's normal to want some body space, it's intense being a little guy's constant companion. And climbing wall.
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