26 August 2010

Things That Are True - The Unexpected Breaking of My Heart

For every time The Imp makes me all look-up-at-the-sky-and-shake-my-fisty, there are several times he makes me all ok-now-you've-just-done/said-the-SWEETEST-thing.

This morning as we were driving to daycare, I reminded The Imp that we were going to give some of his baby stuff to friends who are expecting.

The Imp: [names redacted] having a baby?
Me: Yes, they're having a baby girl, and we're going to give the baby some of your old things you don't use anymore.
The Imp: Booster seat and stroller?
Me (pleased that he remembered, and that he doesn't seem to mind giving his things away): That's right! We're going to give the baby girl your old booster seat and stroller.
The Imp: Wanna see the baby girl.
Me: We can't see the baby girl yet, she's still growing inside her mommy's tummy. We'll be able to see her soon. You can be like her big brother!

The Imp, thinking....
The Imp: Wanna read books to the baby.

Pause, as I gulp back sudden sobs.

Me: I'm sure the baby girl would love to have you read her books.

And just like that, my heart breaks wide open. The plan was always that The Imp is 1 of 1. He'll never have a sibling, and suddenly that's killing me.


  1. Awww I can't imagine how hard that is. Motherhood just blows open your emotions doesn't it. Sending you hugs! xoxo

  2. The heartbreaking sweetness of motherhood is enough to stop me in my tracks constantly. So much joy and sadness in one package.

  3. As the mother of an only child, I know where you are coming from. There have been many heart-breaking, teary-eyed moments in my life over the past twelve years when I thought about more children, wanted more children, questioned not having more children. My heat breaks a little with you. Your boy is sweet.

  4. I heard that giving baby stuff away is the signal that another baby is about to enter your life.

    But seriously...I know what you mean. I come from a big family (five kids!) so I've always wanted more than one. My husband, on the other hand, is an only child and he says I'm projecting. Nothing wrong with being an only child, he says.

    Whichever way this goes, it will be just fine.

  5. There are so many heart bursting moments as a mum. Such sweetness!

  6. Aww, sweet boy. Regardless of which way things turn out - if you decide for another or he stays 1 of 1 - the very most important thing is that he is so loved.

    I don't think the heartbreak ends with more than one, either... we've had our two and decided that was it, but that decision is so ... final. And OMG I hated pregnancy and nearly went insane this time with the colic, but it's hard to say never again. It's something so special and amazing. But then you have to do night feedings.

  7. He's soo cute, love the hat. I'm sure he'd make a great big brother ;)

  8. oh my. just reading that broke my heart!! but, having read it, i realize that you must have done a very good job with the imp so far. he sounds like a kind sole. :)

  9. the Wee Guy often has me gulping back the sobs - some of the things he says just cut right to my heart, i never believed i could feel things so intensely.

    and he's a 1 of 1 too. this also has its moments, especially now that i've hit the '45y and no more' stage of my fertility. it still makes me feel suddenly sad for him though, not me