15 January 2009

Things I've Learned

Baby boys pee all over the place

They pee as soon as you get their diaper off, as soon as you're done wiping them, and as soon as you put them in a bath. They'll pee on your clothes, they'll pee on the doctor's exam bench, they'll pee on the floor, and of course, they'll pee on themselves. They're refreshingly non-discriminatory in that respect. In addition, the arc and range of a newborn boy's urine stream can be quite astonishing. So mesmerizing in fact, that you may find yourself just helplessly watching (once you've leapt out of range). When my son was about a week old, one spectacular diaper change resulted in a stream of urine going up in the air about a foot and a half, then, subject to the laws of gravity, returning to earth to land squarely in his eye. He peed in his own eye. I let my boy pee in HIS. OWN. EYE.

Take-away: when changing your baby boy, ALWAYS put a washcloth or similar over his penis so that when he pees, the cloth will soak most of it up. Incidentally, Pee Pee Tee Pees might work for some people, but they were useless for me. My little guy was way too squirmy. They just fell off. And then he peed on them.

1 comment:

  1. Ah, yes. Keith was two days old, and he directed a stream of urine into his open, crying (and now gurgling) mouth. My mother and I laughed until we cried; Paul accused us of every crime in the calendar. C'est la vie. You learn to deal. Isn't it amazing how babies have NO sense of proportion?