Things I'm Doing - Mischievous Moms at Sandbar

So, again with the nerves. I always volunteer or jump in at the merest mention of a fun opportunity. "That sounds great," I'll say. "How can I help?" And then as it approaches - currently I'm looking at T-minus 5 1/2 hours - I start to angst.

Yes, I did just use angst as a verb.

freedictionary.com defines the noun angst as:

angst [æŋst (German) aŋst]

n

1. an acute but nonspecific sense of anxiety or remorse

2. (Philosophy) (in Existentialist philosophy) the dread caused by man's awareness that his future is not determined but must be freely chosen

Collins English Dictionary – Complete and Unabridged © HarperCollins Publishers 1991, 1994, 1998, 2000, 2003

My personal definition:

to angst:
v
1. a desperate search through the closet for something to wear to the Impending Event, followed by a rejection of every item of clothing I've ever owned (Too trendy. Not trendy enough. Trying too hard. Too casual. Too dressy. Too "look at me". Too wallflower. Too [insert random adjective here])
2. consumption of several handfuls of chocolate chips
3. a bout self-loathing, for the consumption of chocolate (not Fit By Forty Compliant, that)
4. an extended bout of self-doubt, of the Who Do You Think You Are To Do/Be/Want X variety
5. a sudden need to alphabetize all my recipes/books/expense receipts/fabric samples/twitter friends

In this case, the Impending Event is a meetup of moms and twitter friends at Sandbar on Granville Island this evening. I've been broadcasting my attendance and involvement in this event far and wide for the last several days. I know that I'm a tremendously social person who loves nothing more than being in the thick of the fun. And yet... and yet. Here I sit. Angsting.

I'm looking forward to tonight. I'll get to see some old friends, meet some new ones, and meet Erica Ehm, a woman and mom that I feel like I already know through our interactions on twitter and through her website. Plus, she was in my living room daily when I was a teenager!



And Erica's looking forward to it too - she mentioned it in an interview on Breakfast Television this morning - sadly not an embeddable video, you'll have to click the link. (Ahem, the 4:25 mark gratifies my ego in a big way.) And Erica, if you read this, THANK YOU for pronouncing my last name Hinde rhymes with blind and not Hindie rhymes with indie. Thank you, thank you, thank you. That almost never happens.

Now, since I have this "awareness that [my] future is not determined but must be freely chosen",  I'm pretty sure I've got some stuff that needs alphabetizing. And an outfit decision to make.

Things I Love - Adding to the Blogroll

Some new names added to the Blogs I Love list on the right:

Pregnant Stephanie, no longer pregnant, has set up shop at The Tsunami Mommy. I'm keeping the link to Pregnant Stephanie up because there's lots of great stuff there and as far as I know she hasn't moved it over to her new home. Her twitter handle has changed too.

More Yummy Mummy Club: Sharon DeVellis at The Inside Scoop writes like I would like to write, only funnier. Which is to say, she's funnier than me, not that I want to write funnier than her. Er. Well maybe I do. I'm making a mess of this - just go check her out.

And Amber Strocel. Her twitter updates are always wryly amusing, and I really enjoyed her recent Carnival of Maternity Leave posts.

That's a good start - there are many more to come. There is an astonishing wealth of really talented women writing about their lives. I plan to add a few to the blogroll every week.

Things That Are True - Validation

Okay, so yesterday I did the Walk for Kids Help Phone. Like seven kinds of idiot, I left my camera at home. Fortunately my team mates brought theirs - check out Rachael's blog for a fun photographic account of our morning. Mmm, Trevor Linden...

I couldn't really tell you why I decided to take part in the event. If I was a better person than I am, I would say it was to raise funds for a very worthy cause. (Which we did, to the tune of $3 million nationwide.) Participating in events like these is a little bit like buying a secret insurance policy: if I contribute to Kids Help Phone, maybe my son will never need it. Never be scared, never be bullied, never be suicidal, never need to turn to an anonymous friendly voice to discuss the pain he can't talk about with anyone else.

But for me it was also a chance to get out of the house, and out of my own head for a while. And, as it turned out, a chance to meet two remarkable women: Yummy Mummy Team Captain Catherine (aka EarnestGirl) and All Around Excellent Energy Rachael. I could not have had a better time, or found two better people to share those 5km with.

I've never been one of the cool kids. And new motherhood feels a lot like being an awkward teenager, uncertainly edging up to the popular girls, not ever sure whether what you're doing will earn the scorn or laughter of those you admire.

After the event, as we were saying goodbye in the parking lot, Catherine told me that it sounded like I was doing well in my first year as a mom. I almost burst into tears. You don't realize, sometimes, how much you need some validation until you get it. It may have been an offhand comment for her. For me, it was like wandering around the cafeteria, tray in hand, and being invited to sit at the cool kids' table for lunch.

Thanks to Yummy Mummy Club for being what got me off my (ample) behind to get out and walk the 5 km in such excellent company!